Wednesday, 3 November 2010

Before the Acceleration of the Light


This weekend is going to be a bit of a trial for non-human animals - domesticated and wild. For this weekend sees both Guy Fawkes' night and Divali, as the New Moon occurs in Scorpio on - oh, I think Saturday morning.

So we stopped off at our veterinarian on the way home today, and procured some anti-anxiety medicine - mostly for Scylla, as the girlie has been through some heavy trauma and truly doesn't deserve to have her senses assaulted by semi-conscious humans.

I know there's been some discussion recently about the undesirability of immobilising an animal which can still feel terror, and so the vet now carries the most effective of anxiety alleviating medicine - which is basically Valium. The trade name on this one is Pax, and it's identical to the tranks I was addicted to for 25 long years.

And here I am, sitting looking at the things: same blister pack, same shape and colour. The same drug which came within a hair of taking my life eleven years ago. Let me rephrase that - the same medicine which I used as an excuse to come within a hair of killing myself eleven years ago.

I marvel that I am coming to know myself so well now, and am developing means of communing with Life so effectively that these drugs offer me no temptation whatsoever. I'm only a little puzzled that I ever allowed myself to walk through that cloudy, treacherous valley for so long. But then - maybe that was exactly what I planned long ago - back before the quarks made their stand as atoms, back before the acceleration of the Light, back before we decided to Fall into this wonderful, terrifying, awesome plane of existence.