Tuesday, 21 September 2010

Still Here


As many of us who have done energy work on and with our bodies know full well, the
biology of kundalini is a fascinating study.
It's also fascinating, if a little scary, to live through the shifting of chemical balances and the neurodetox symptoms which arise when you start unblocking energy channels, as I can testify.

So, when I recently started work on the energy ports and pathways in my arms, hands, legs and feet, you'd have thought I'd be well prepared for the subsequent disruption of bodily, emotional and spiritual functions, wouldn't you?
Not so fast.
After the unexpected downer of two weeks ago, I suffered through another day of depression, irritation and frank misandry once again yesterday.

It seems that I've successfully unblocked a major dam in my energy body now, and the resultant chaotic rowdiness would be hilarious if it wasn't so distressing.

However, all things come with their price, and this is one I'm happy to pay.

The voices of the various egos - the culturally fashioned ego, the genetically fashioned ego, the intentional, soul-fashioned ego - all of these voices have been raised and clamouring for attention, as though they sense that they will be increasingly silenced from here on out.

The voice of judgementalism - that carping judgement which does not contribute anything useful to the soul - is one of my loudest. Joined by the voice of criticism - especially self criticism - it can become almost unbearable in its decibel load at times of stress, and this is certainly one of those times, when I'm freeing certain energy streams and letting them carve the proper channels for themselves.

But by far and away the worst voice - the most strident, the most distressing and the most damaging - is the voice of fear. The ego voice calling out to me that I will be alone, will be homeless, will be destitute, will be sick and failing and dead....and then the answer comes, quietly at first, gaining in volume slowly: I have been alone, I have been destitute and homeless and sick and dead....

And I'm still here, learning to silence those ego voices and never speak nor listen to them with anything approaching seriousness again.

I'm still here, and the Authentic Self has gained a little more space to grow.

Pic: Bird Madonna by Elena Ray