Friday, 7 May 2010

Fear From Above the Abyss


The mid afternoon sun hits the bottle of Savlon atop the bathroom cabinet, reflecting a glow of pure copper back to me as I shower.
We've had the sunny, bright Winter's morning, followed by a breasting of huge thunder clouds over the local trees, and an hour of thunder, lightning and hail hidden within the downpour. Where did that come from? But now it's gone, leaving muddy earth and dripping rose bushes and Dead Can Dance on the stereo while I shuffle forward and backward across that line between insanity and ignorance.

My first shower in three days has done nothing to clarify my mind - to wash out that intense vision of my mother's young eyes warning me, forbidding me.

Knowing that not only are we all One, but that that One is God can take me into some strange, strange places.

That silly blonde thirty-something woman in the car I've just passed in memory, turning the radio up high and singing with her friends in the back seat - what on earth possessed me to bring her into being? And those deadly-daft, mumbling, greed-ridden officials of law and government who infest the land - could those be automatons, and not I at all? Why would I do that?

But I know with a sureness which defies explanation that these creatures all are Me. And Thee. And Thou art Me and Thou Art God. It's the clearest truth of which I am capable. Yet sometimes I find it's skating a little close to the edge of that Void. That, in the end, there's nothing which has happened to me which I did not cause myself, that all these beings, each atom of them and indeed the atoms themselves, are My Self. And that I do not have to Love them all - and that yet I have to try.

It was easier, far easier, to be asleep and shambling through the dream. But here I am, rubbing the seeds from my eyes and yawning, and sensing the infinite depths of the chasm of Cosmos in all its gory, and all its glory.

Hello.I Love You. Will You catch me as I Fall?