The day after Samhain, and Winter has come at last.
All in a rush, the soggy grey skies have cleared to the normal high blue of this time of year, and the night time temperatures have taken a dive into single figures.
The heart of me is easier, thus.
As it was yesterday, journeying into Pretoria for a trauma assessment with a clinical psychologist - part of the evidence necessary for our law suit against RSS Security Services- I felt the spirits riding with me, all intense and protective of this individuated soul. The synchronicity of the day occurred when both Warren and I received cellphone calls (I almost never get unknown calls on my phone - well, I almost never get calls, period) during our session with the psychologist. We both switched off our ringing phones, and later discovered that the Douglasdale Police station had been trying to reach us, in connection with this very case. The fact that they've not tried to contact us for over a year made this one of those weird moments by which the rest of the universe attempts to get our attention.
Yes, yes - I'm surely paying attention now.
Pretoria remains one of the more beautiful cities in this country, and I'd love to live there if it weren't so damned far from where I work each day. The traffic between Joburg and Pretoria is insane.
I held Samhain indoors that night, not wanting to risk my good health on the rapidly-cooling earth this time. I have made an opening for grandfather von Banning through which he may access me - and all my attentive, alert collective, too. Any malicious overtures will be swiftly dealt with, I can assure you of that.
Today I've been washing curtains - oh joy, my favourite way to spend the day - and thinking about a drop of an idea which fell into my consciousness overnight: that is, what if the agoraphobia and panic attacks I suffered from for twenty-five years were a symptom of a disordered kundalini awakening? It's not such an outlandish idea, after all, given the way we are reared in this culture.
The deliberate damping of intuitive and mystically-inclined traits in the service of scientific materialism has been painfully obvious in my life - I am only now coming home to the soul I was meant to be, without that interference. Having worked quite intensively with the kundalini force in latter years, I can quite believe that a stunted rising could manifest as a range of so-called psychological impairments, especially panic disorder and agoraphobia. It's certainly something to chew on, for now.
How I miss that dry bitter cold of your Highveld in winter! Down here we have winter rains and gale-force winds, the trees stripped bare of leaves overnight.
ReplyDeleteSuch an interesting way to re-interpret those 'panic attacks'. As a child in the Chimanimani Mountains in north-east Zimbabwe I was once very close to a lightning strike on nearby rocks, and for months afterwards I heard voices and kept seeing energy lines and shadowy figures. It has taken me many years to make new sense of what was clearly an opening into Otherness.