Wednesday, 30 January 2013

Ego Membrane Of The Self



I think I've mentioned before (wow, that many times, huh?) how a dose of 'flu can be quite an enjoyable time - if you don't mind pain and nausea - for exploring "natural" altered states of consciousness. And so it is, and so they are.

This one, however, was not so much fun. Not fun at all, really.

The water or the ether or the other-named medium which occupies every dimension of space and time, from which we all were called forth and into which we eventually re-dissolve...a section of that medium is partitioned off, wrapped around in a translucent membrane we call ego, when we individuate on Earth.

Holes can be punched in the membrane between small self and Self at any point, or great big wounds formed by the use of psycho actives or trauma or meditation.Or infection. And we get to see - partially and in a somewhat distorted form, often - What It Is We Are, really.

And then the holes may be mended or the lid glued back on, if the experience frightened us enough, and we may go through our whole lives with only an uneasy "what was that?" feeling back in our subconscious.
But sometimes, the light streaming in does inform our lives in ways which can be described as enlightening.

I have been through about 36 hours of wondering - really - if I was losing my mind.
My dreams were like none I ever remember having before. A mixture of past experiences and experiences I know I've never had in this incarnation, all equally real. And they did not confine themselves to my sleeping consciousness, oh no. I walked around a good while in a superficially Beta state with those same dreams resurfacing and frankly scaring the crap out of me.

The breaching of the individuated membrane around a (small) self can, like the melting of ice fields over methane gas, release some hairy pockets of trapped ego. I saw the escape of rage and fear at various moments - nothing so big as to pose a danger to my loved ones but enough to piss them off royally, I think - from where they had been trapped inside my small-self membrane. I saw those little puffs of rotten, decaying human effluent escape into the Field.

 And dissipate there.

To be materialist about it, I believe that I harbored a viral infection for a  while, there. My body responded by - among other things - raising my internal temperature. The heatwave we've been having in this part of the world didn't allow for quick cooling and my brain overcooked a little.

Or, you can say that I tore new holes in the ego-membrane of the self and let the light in. For a little while.

Pic: from Core Individuation