Thursday, 9 September 2010

Bubonic Plague


So I seem to have the Bubonic Plague.

That’s what happens when you try to look up the provenance of your skin rash on the dear old internet.
From what I read, it could be anything from an allergy to peanuts to meningitis. So I’ve tagged it the Bubonic Plague and advised my colleagues to stand well away from me at all times. This is not, as you can imagine, a hardship for me.

But it is a bit irritating.
Two days ago, on Tuesday, I noticed a bad itching and scratching behind my left ear (the deaf one), which then spread to my forearms and between my fingers. I would’ve thought it was heat rash, except for the bit on the forearms. Closer inspection showed an alarming resemblance to the Chicken pox I remember having as a child. This was when I did the unwise thing and looked up ‘skin rash’ on the internet.

The next day, it had spread across my entire face. Today it’s behind my right ear as well and across my jawline. I’ve taken an incredibly powerful antihistamine, which knocked me out solidly last night but doesn’t appear to have done anything else – except, just possibly, cured the deafness in the left ear, which I’ve been suffering with for over a year and which has been a convenient excuse not to listen to my colleagues.
I haven’t approached my GP yet. That’s going to have to wait until Warren gets rid of his contractual obligation to the remarkably corrupt and criminally inclined company he works for. If the antihistamine hasn’t taken the rash away, as well as the left-ear-deafness, I’ll go and bother my family physician then.

And what, you ask, is the blissful outcome of all this? (This is me I’m talking about here, so there is going to be a blissful outcome). Well, apart from the miraculous spontaneous regeneration of hearing in an ear I’ve been stone deaf in for over a year (and the benefits there are a double edged sword believe me), I get to walk around all day in public without a shred of moisturizer, foundation or mascara on my face. The freedom of it!