Sunday, 18 November 2007

A Veiled Singularity

This post of Hecate's put me in Faerie for most of a day, and I'm not quite out of it yet - I keep stepping back and forth over the line between this world and another one, where a night costs half a lifetime and the sun is always hidden.

I'm still in that circle of grief and fear - but it has widened, allowing me a vast space in which to abide , in perfect, deep calm, watching these things unfold around me and through me, but never interacting with me.

I seem to have lost all the terrors that this world can inflict upon a person. I am not afraid for myself, or for my loved ones, however fearful they may be.
A fathomless pool of surety and confidence has bloomed from within - well, from where else could it bloom? - and possessed my body, mind and that indefinable entity I seem to lay claim to, my soul.

Do you know, two years ago I would never have used that last word in the paragraph above?

Soul.

That which roots us to this world and connects us to all the others.

That without which we are a vainly striving, forever seeking but never finding, questioning-without-a-glimpse-of-an-answer combination of body and mind. Blind in this world and to the next and the one beside it.

I walked yesterday as though the molecules of the air could shimmer and part, revealing in the spaces between them a whole other universe. Mingling with this one and sometimes observable, but never quite coming clear.There are outlines and shapes of answers but never an unambiguous reply to where? and how?

But I am serenely undismayed by the lack of solid assurances, for I am confident in my mortal skin.

Somewhere, just beyond that next cloud of electrons, is the colour of the shape of an admission that all will be well and all manner of things will be well.

Pic: Through the north door of my house.